Explaining the D word to a 4 year-old...without using it.

(preface: I have lots of grandparents: Grandma and Grandpa Thompson, Grandma Bonnie and Grandma Bonnie's Grandpa (that's how I refer to him), Grandpa Jones and M)

Me: Grandma Thompson is dad's mom.

Mom: yep

Me: and she is my Grandma.

Mom: yep

Me: Grandma Bonnie is your mom.

Mom: yep

Me: (silent and thinking)...So why isn't Grandma Bonnie's Grandpa your dad?

Mom: well, my mom and dad decided not to be married anymore...

Me: Why would they do that?

Mom: cause sometimes people decide not to be married anymore and then they marry other people.

Me: OH.

(Mom note: Now I will be waiting for the question about if me and David will ever not want to be married anymore...awesome)

babies...

Mom: Was it fun to feel the baby move?

Me: did you say babies? Are there 2 babies in there?

Mom: No...just one

Me: I wish there were 2 babies. I want a brother and a sister.

Mom: Well, there's only one.

Me: Soooooo...if I like this baby, can I have another one?

What are you gonna be when you grow up?

Tonight mom told me to pick out my jammies...

"Sometimes I really like to rock out, so I'm gonna wear my guitar jammies".

"Mom, do you know what I'm gonna be when I grow up?"

"I'm gonna be a rock star. I'm gonna stand on a really big stage and play a guitar. And there will be lots and lots and lots and lots of people there...like a hundred...and you will be there too!"

I read the scripture in primary.

I wasn't very excited about having to read a scripture...but after I asked mom if she would help me...then I was ok with it. Before church, mom picked a scripture about missionaries and then she wanted to practice.

Mom: I'm gonna say the words and then you repeat them after me.

Me: Ok, but you have to say it quietly so the kids don't hear you. That's how the big kids do it.

Mom: Ok. But I am going to say it normal right now while we practice and then in primary I will whisper in your ear.

Me: But mom...you can't whisper too quietly or I won't be able to hear you either. So say it medium quiet.

We practiced just one time and mom thought I did a good job.

I made sure that we had mom's scriptures when we went to church and then after sacrament I wanted to carry them to primary. I sat in the "scripture chair" and held the scriptures till Jamie said it was my turn, then I got up on the step and put my scriptures down for mom. Mom put the microphone down so it was by my mouth and then I grabbed hold...

Mom whispered the words and I said them into the microphone. I didn't talk silly or yell into the microphone. I just talked normal. I did a good job...everyone could understand me. Mom and dad were so proud.

Me: Mom, I want a brother.

Mom: You are going to have a brother.

Me: No. I want a big brother that can pick me up instead of you and dad.

Mom: Oh...well, you are going to be the big brother.

Me: MOM....I can't pick up myself...

I was sword fighting with dad...

I guess I am a good sword fighter.

Mom: Oh Dallin, you killed him.

Me: Oh no...now we don't have a father to make us money!

Praying for a baby.

Today I got to go into "mom's primary" for a lesson and singing. The bishop was teaching the lesson and told us about Jesus. I put my fish in the basket and said that I would help daddy take out the garbage. I even participated during singing time. "mister Lago" (mom says it's "sister" but I call her mister lago) is the singing lady. She comes into nursery to sing with us...but she also sings with the kids in big primary. She was having kids pick out papers from a basket with a word on it and then she would have them pick a song about that word...

Mister Lago: Who knows a song about families.

Me: I do. Me and my mom and dad we are a family when I was born.

Mister Lago: Who knows a song about prayer.

Me: I know a song about prayer. When we pray to have a baby....yeah, but it takes a long time.

Rule of life #35

Mom was in the primary room at church setting up chairs before church started. She took off her shoes and left them by the door 'cause she says it's faster then trying to set up chairs in heels. I wasn't being very good that morning...really...not good. I was sitting by the primary room door while mom was setting up...then I disappeared. Mom realized I was gone...and with me...her shoes. She was VERY angry and came to find me (walking barefoot through the church)...but sacrament had already started...she stood outside the door till I looked up then she pointed at me and then pointed at the floor by her. I knew I better get to her fast.

Mom: Where are my shoes

Me: In there (pointing in the chapel)

Mom: You go get them and bring them to me right now.

I went and got the shoes and gave them to her. She took my hand and marched me back to the primary room. I had to stand in the corner while she finished up. Just when she finished Dad got there.

Mom: Don't you ever take my shoes when I am trying to set up the primary room.

Me: But mom...if you take your shoes off and leave them out...

someone might take them.

(Lesson learned...thank you 3 year-old)

What? you don't talk like that?

Me: I want to go with dad...

Mom: you can't go with dad.

Me: Why do you let me go with dad to the store, but you won't let me go with him into the busy street?

(Mom thinks that is way to long a sentence for a 3 year-old to be saying...I say watch out preschool...I'm coming for you on Tuesday!)

I took off my rail...

Me: Mom, come look what I did...

Mom: what did you do?

Me: come in my bedroom and see...

Me: See? now it looks just like your bed.

Mom: yep, it does...I just hope you don't fall out.

Me: (jumping in and laying in my bed) See? I won't fall out.

Mom: ok...we can try it tonight and see how you do...

Me: I just hope the wind doesn't blow me out....

(and in case you are wondering...I didn't even fall out)

Funny conversations

Dad: Do you want to go the store with me?

Me: Dad, I really love you and I like to go to the store with you, but just not today.

Me: Mom...you're kidding me...

Mom: what's kidding?

Me: kidding is kidding. It's when you say things that are silly to someone.

What I say whenever I do something wrong...

Me: "Mom/dad I'm SO sorry...I shouldn't be naughty...I shouldn't have (fill in naughty behavior here)...but sometimes, it just happens"

Mom: No Dallin...it doesn't just happen...you make it happen, so if you don't want to be naughty don't do (fill in naughty behavior again).

(While at Costco)

Mom: Ok, we have all our stuff, let's go find dad

Me: What? I get to go find dad all by myself...like a big boy?

Mom: No..."let's" means both of us.

Me: (shoulders slumped, head down) Oh....

(during the same Costco trip...while eating "snacks")

Snack giver: Wow, your mom sure has a big purse...she must have lots of money.

Me: She sure does!

(mama Thompson says...this one still cracks me up:)...buckets...huh Mandy?!)

After giving myself a timeout in my bedroom (which I seem to do a lot these days) I came down and sat on the stairs...

"Mom...I need to tell you something.........I miss dad when he's at work...I know he has to work...but I miss him when he's gone"

And quite often I tell mom and any body else who will listen...

"My dad has to go to work to earn more money so I can go on more rides"

****Stay tuned for more....'cause mom says I say funny things all the time*****

Check-ups

Mom: tomorrow do you want to go and play with Kate?

Me: are you going to stay there or come home?

Mom: I'm going to go to the doctor.

Me: Do your teeth hurt? Do you need to get them fixed?

Mom: No...a dentist takes care of your teeth. A doctor makes sure your body is working good.

Me: Oh...Is your body not working right?

Mom: No...my body is fine...I'm just going to have the doctor check it out.

Me: Is my body perfect?

Mom: (laughing) yes Dallin, your body is perfect.

Boy parts vs. girl parts

While at Target....

Dad: (to mom) you're just going to be over by the curtains?

Mom: Yeah

Dad: okay, I'm going over to electronics...Dallin, you come with me.

Mom: Dallin go with dad...

Me: Ohhhh....'cause we both have penises.....

Mom: yep....that's why:)

...and I don't mean preschool...

The other day me and mom were playing memory...

Mom: your turn

Me: ungrella.ungrella. MATCH...Mom...I'm schooling you!

Are you a really good "sharer"?

Mom and I went to the bank today...they had a whole bowl of suckers...I asked mom for one...she didn't even have to tell the lady...she just gave me a green one.

Me: Mom, do you want some of my sucker?

Mom: No thanks.

Me: I'm a really good sharer with my candy

Mom: you are a really good sharer with your candy...you also share other things really good. You are a very nice boy.

Me: Yeah, but sometimes I get mad and then I have to go to my room or the corner.

an epiphany...

Last night when mom put me to bed, there were still lots of people at my house...and they were not being quiet. I told mom they were being really loud, and she sat with me for awhile, but it didn't help. Finally, they all left...but I still couldn't sleep, so I asked daddy to come cuddle with me. I wanted to talk to daddy instead of cuddle...

Me: (holding daddy's face). I miss you when you got to work.

Dad: I know buddy, but I have to work so that mommy can stay home with you.

Me: I know...it just makes me really sad...BUT...I like your new office...it's just really far away.

...at bedtime...

Me: mom...when I go to bed, I need to put socks on so somebody doesn't come tickle my feet.

Mom: who tickles your feet?

Me: somebody, comes to my house, gets right here on my bed and tickles my feet...it makes me very sad...

(mom puts socks on my feet)

Mom: there, now nobody will come tickle your feet.

Me: sanks!

I thought brownies were brown...

Mom asked if I wanted to help her make brownies...then she kept calling them blondies.

I got to put in all the stuff and turn on the mixer...I'm a really good cook!

When they came out of the oven I had to say...

Me: where are the brownies?

Mom: these are the brownies

Me: no...where are the brown ones...

Mom: these are just light brown ones.

Me: ohhhhh....

Some funny things...

Sometimes mom let's me start the car...(she knows it's probably not good, but I only do it if she is there with me)...Yesterday mom let me start the car. I opened the front door and climbed in...Mom opened the back door (to put her stuff in)...

Me: Oh...you're gonna ride in the back seat and I'm gonna drive?

Mom: (laughing)...yeah...that's what's happening...

***********

I don't really like to be in my car seat...it makes my "buns sweaty" and I scream and cry. Guess it makes mom really frustrated when I am screaming and thrashing in my seat...'cause yesterday she yelled at me...then we both got real quiet.

Me: mom...you can't yell at me.

Mom: Yes I can, I'm the mom

Me: Ohhhh...so that means you can yell at me?

***********

We went to the "crappy store" and were looking at pillows when a person walked by...

Me: Is that a boy or a girl?

Mom: It's a girl...

Person who walked by: It's a really bad hair day...

Mom thinks I'm funny!

Mom has been spending a lot of time working on the basement, so she has taken more pictures of that then me...this is all she's got!

(cheese and salami...daddy's favorite...maybe mine too)

*********

Today mom spent most of the day in the garage painting...I got to play outside...it rained a little bit, but mom said that was ok. Then I got cold, "I go inside and warm up"...mom didn't come with me. I came out later and told mom...

"Mom...it's very cold outside...you come inside and warm up...ok?"

Mom wasn't being a very good listener.

*********

I called dad today and invited him to lunch with me and mom at Costco. While mom was putting on my shoes, I told mom....

Me: I love you mom

Mom: I love you too

Me: Daddy loves me too

Mom: Yep, daddy does love you too

Me: He loves me this much (I showed mom with my arms)...

Mom: He does love you that much

Me: yep, he loves me as big as my arms

**********

When we leave Costco, I like to give the receipt to the guy. I was holding it....

Me: Mom, it's not red

Mom: No, it's only red on the building, on the receipt it is black. What does it say?

Me: COSTCO

Mom: yep...it does say Costco, just like on the building...it's just not red

Old Lady behind us: Did he just read that?

Mom: (laughing) No...he just knows what "Costco" looks like...guess we are here to much.

Old Lady: I was gonna say...that would be amazing.

(on our way out)

Mom: I should have just told that lady, yep, my 2 year-old can read...your 2 year-old grandson can't...that's a shame:)

**********

At lunch, daddy told me that just me and him were going to hang out tonight. When daddy got home from work....

Me: Dad, you and me go in your car

Dad: No, we are going to take mom's car.

Me: Mom's going in your car.

Dad: yep

Me: Mom...you go in dad's car...not with us...just me and dad go in your car.

Mom: ok...I'll go in dad's car by myself.

**********

Daddy told me that we were going to party tonight. After dinner at the cheesy noodle place (tonight it was okay to call it a "place")....

Me: Dad, let's go to the party.

Dad: Dallin, I said we were going to party...not go to a party...this is the party.

Me: Dad, you call mom and ask her where the party is.

Dad: you wanna go look at big tvs

Me: ok